


Mom and Dad

by AddisonAddek



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Addison and Mark, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asshole Derek, Baby, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Family, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Minor Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, Pregnancy, Pregnant Addison, Sad Addison Montgomery, Talking fetus, Unplanned Pregnancy, angsty angst, i know it’s weird, love child, pro-choice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24195670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddisonAddek/pseuds/AddisonAddek
Summary: A Maddison Short Story.The healing of Addison and Mark - told by an unexpected gem.A Three Part Story.Addison/Mark #MaddisonCOMPLETED
Relationships: Addison Montgomery/Mark Sloan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	1. You Put Your Arms Around Me And I'm Home

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe some of you will find this creepy...Maybe...ENJOY!

**Mom and Dad**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**_You Put Your Arms Around Me And I'm Home_ **

* * *

Mom is sad. More than sad, I think. No, I think she says she is scared. But she is mom. Mom does not get scared. Mom is the _bestest_ and the bravest.

 _But who is mom scared of?_ _Me?_

But I am not a monster.

_Please, mom, do not be scared of me. I pinky promise I am not scary._

Mom is sad again. She is all alone at home, I think. I do not hear anyone else, only tiny tiny voices that are not real people, only people in television. I hear them every night, but I think mom is not really hearing them because she is always crying when I hear them.

I do not know why she is always so sad. She cries herself to sleep every night with the people's voices and I always try to reach out. I do. I hug her. But she does not feel me. I want to tell her it will be okay, even though the man she loves will not be with her anymore.

Because she has dad and she has me.

Mom does not know how she feels about me yet. She found me nine days ago because I was making her sick.

_I did not mean to, mom._

Sometimes I hear her saying that she is not pregnant. And I do not understand that because I am here, she knows I am here.

I also hear her say she wishes it was Derek's.

_Is ‘it’ me? Who is Derek?_

But I think I know. Derek is the man she loves. And I think she wants Derek to be my dad. I have never seen Derek. He is not here and mom also does not know where he is. But she wants to. She calls him but he never picks up her calls. That makes her sadder.

_Why does she want Derek to be my dad?_

I have my own dad. I do not want Derek to be my dad. I only want dad. But I do not think he knows about me yet. Maybe mom will not tell him. _I do not know._ She is scared, she says.

One day, I hear her say she does not want me because she does not love dad. He is not the right guy for her. Because dad will be a terrible dad.

_How does mom even know that?_

Dad does not know about me.

_Mom, dad will love me._

I know he will, forever and ever.

Dad will not be a terrible dad. Because he will love me.

But I do not know, mom always knows best.

She thinks what she and dad did is a bad decision. They are bad people.

_Am I a bad decision?_

She says she is so stupid and dumb. It was one time, she says. I think she is telling Derek, I do not hear him. Maybe she is telling him on the phone. _Stupid!_ But she is a baby doctor. She cannot be stupid.

She thinks it makes her a bad person for not wanting me. But she does not tell anyone this because people will be angry. They will say mean things to her and she does not want to hear mean things anymore.

_Why?_

I think dad is here now because mom is talking really fast and really loud. I cannot understand a word she is telling dad and I want to hear dad's voice but I cannot because mom is being so loud.

_Slow down, mom._

I do not feel good when she shouts. I think she is shouting at dad. She is always shouting at him because he is never hearing her. That is why mom is always angry when dad is here.

_Dad, please, listen to mom. Don't make her angry. It makes my head hurt._

But I can hear dad now, he is telling her to calm the _something_ \- I do not think that's a good word - down. Everything is shaking now. Maybe dad is shaking mom.

I think he is shaking her so she can stop shouting so loud but that only makes mom even angrier because his hands are hurting her shoulders.

_Mom, calm down please, I don't feel well._

They are fighting again.

Mom shouts back, shouting at dad to take his hands off of her. I think he is pressing her too tight. She is saying not good things at all. She says bad things. Bad things to dad because he is sleeping with a lady that is not mom. I think that is hurting mom's feelings. She says she wishes him dead. She hates him and she loves Derek.

Dad knows she means it. Dad is sad.

He loves mom, even though she is being so cruel.

Everything is quiet now but mom is crying so much and so hard that I am also shaking. Dad really hurt her. He is always hurting mom and I do not like that. It hurts me when mom is sad.

I do not know if dad is still here. _Maybe_. I think I can hear his breathing. He is near mom.

_Oh, no, why is everything so blurry?_

Mom's heart is going _thump-thump-thump_ really quickly now. She is holding me so tightly, I can feel her hand and I am reaching out for her.

_Mom! What's happening?_

Dad is asking her what is the matter too and she shakes her head, turns away from him. I think she does not want him to know. He is worried, I can hear it in his voice. But she says nothing, only makes soft sounds and bites her lip.

I think I am hurting her.

_Oh, no, I am a monster. I am hurting mom._

Dad is being louder now, touching mom. But she does not shout at him not to, now.

_Addie! Addison! Hey! What's wrong?!_

He thinks mom did not hear him and I think he can see me now.

_But mom is trying to breathe, she cannot speak, dad._

Mom is bleeding and that is me. A little bit of me, I think. Because I am still inside mom. I am just really sleepy now.

I am sorry, mom, I didn't want to hurt you.

_Goodnight, mom and dad._

* * *

Dad is sad because mom is still angry at him and he tells me he is sorry for hurting me but he is happy that he found me. He is so happy, he says. I can feel his hands, he is holding me and mom.

_Hi, dad!_

And I think mom is sleeping because everything is vibrating softly now. Like at home. Dad kisses me and I kiss him back.

Dad loves me.

Mom is still sad.

_Why, mom?_

Dad knows me now. He says he loves me. He will take care of me. _He gave me a kiss, mom._ He is not terrible. He is good. I like that word. Good!

_Why are you always sad?_

I do not want her to be sad anymore.

Mom tells dad she will think about it.

_About what?_

I was sleeping when they were talking about it. I did not hear what the it is. Dad is looking at me sadly now and I am waving at him but he still looks sad.

_Please think about it, Addison._

They let mom out of the hospital, and I am glad because she gets fresh air instead of the stale hospital air that smells kind of weird. I do not think she minds the smell before, I think she does not like it now because of me. But she will be back tomorrow.

_She is a baby doctor, remember!_

She still does not feel me when I move inside her but that is okay, I guess. She is busy being sad and mad at dad. But I think she is also mad at herself. Maybe it has something to do with Derek.

_I do not know._

Mom thinks she sleeps alone because Derek is not there but she always forgets I am with her.

_I do not like Derek. He is making her sad._

Sometimes she says things in her sleep. Most of the time it is Derek. Only sometimes it is dad's name. Sometimes it is lots of words muddled together and even I do not know what she means but she wakes up out of breath and sweating. I worry about her when she does that.

Mom looks at herself in the mirror a lot. I think when she lifts her shirt, she is checking whether she can see me yet. I try to wave but she does not wave back. She just looks so sad and tired all the time, so I try to be really good so that she will not be sick. Sometimes I am better at being good than other times. But I do try really hard.

Dad buys me a Yankees onesie. It is a baby clothes.

_Yea, that is my dad's favourite sports team._

I do not know what sport that is but soon I will because he says he cannot wait to take me out to a game. Mom smiles at dad but she is not really that happy. Not like dad's happy.

But I think she likes the onesie too. She thinks it is cute.

She says she will think about it. Dad just nods. He is not happy anymore.

* * *

Mom goes to work even more madder at dad. Her heels are loud, making harsh clicking when she stomps down the corridor. She is scary when she is angry. Now, I know to never make mom angry. Dad still does not know that.

_That makes me smarter than dad._

I think she saw the lady who dad is sleeping in his bed with. Mom is jealous, I think, because she is sleeping all alone at home. I think maybe she wants dad to sleep beside her.

She hates dad so much.

_Why does dad want mom to hate him?_

Mom was actually happy for a while.

But I know dad loves mom so much that he will do anything for her.

Mom does not know what to do now.

Sometimes, she wants to drink the stuff that would make me sick but she does not. She always decides it would be a bad idea. She is smart, like dad always says.

_I get my smart from mom._

Derek said that too before, I think, a long time ago when I was not even here.

Mom does not know what to do about me either. She goes to the doctor's office and they talk about how she could take a pill and it would make me so sick I would have to leave. The doctor gives her some leaflets and mom looks at them, but does not really look at them, if you know what I mean.

She knows already.

She wants somebody to tell her what she should do.

I like mom's voice. Sometimes, she speaks so softly that my eyes close and I feel sleepy, even though I am not even tired. One day, she touches her stomach with her fingertips and I reach out my own and try to hold hands but it does not work.

_I am here, mom!_

She cries after that.

Maybe it is me who is making mom sad and not Derek or dad.

I think mom has made up her mind; she is going to take the pill that will make me sick.

 _It is okay._ I try to tell her this. _I_ _do not mind, mom._

But mom thinks she is a bad person. She is not. I try to tell her this too but she does not hear me. All she hears are the voices in her head and dad's voice, and Derek's voice.

She hears what Derek told her - she makes him nauseous.

I hear that all the time. Mom is always thinking about that.

And they are all louder than me.

* * *

Mom sits in the waiting room and she is trying really hard not to cry. She keeps moving so that I cannot get comfy and I wonder if she is trying to get me ready to leave her. I do not want to though.

They call her name - Addison Montgomery. _She is named after her grandfather - Sir Samuel Addison McElroy Montgomery_. And she rises from the chair. Her steps are really small - almost so teeny tiny that we hardly get anywhere but eventually we make it inside the room.

She cannot see very well because even though she has been trying so hard not to cry, her eyes are misbehaving and there are tears in them. She thinks it makes her weak but I think it is okay that she is crying. That means she actually wants me. Mom and dad made me and once I am too sick to stay inside of her any more, she will not be able to feel a part of her bad decision.

Mom is not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing because she is so confused.

The doctor is nice and smiles at mom to let her know it is okay. She tells mom about the pills that she is going to take but mom says she knows everything about it. She is a baby doctor too. The doctor nods and goes to get her a cup of water.

While she is gone, mom talks to me. She is talking to me for the first time. And I am so happy.

_Hi, mom!_

She tells me that she is sorry because she cannot keep me. I will be with her grandpa and grandma, she says, once I leave her and they are really nice.

_I will also be with all the others just like me._

The doctor comes back and mom's heartbeat starts to go too fast again.

_I am scared._

I think I am going to hurt her again.

 _Mom, listen to the nice doctor._ _She is telling you to relax._

Her heart is hurting my ears and I try to tell her this, try to let her know I would like it to be quieter so I can hear her breathing before I leave.

The doctor tells mom that she can change her mind but she shakes her head. She is being stubborn because actually, she thinks she might want to keep me inside of her. But she is just not sure how it is going to work. Because she does not want to be alone.

I think she wants to hurt dad.

There is a lot of noise, all of a sudden. Bad words that sounds like cursing and I cover my ears with my hands because mom does not like me to know about the bad stuff that happens in her world.

But it is dad. Dad's here.

He bursts into the room without knocking - which is rude - but I forgive him because he is here to make sure mom is alright.

_Dad is here now. Yay, I can see dad one last time._

Dad says he is sorry. He made a mistake. He says he is stupid.

_Why does mom and dad alway day they're stupid?_

They are doctors. They cannot be stupid.

Dad does not want her to do this. He says he loves mom and me.

Once he found out we were here, he drove like crazy, he drove past three red lights, he tells mom and the doctor. I am not sure he should be saying this because he could get into trouble. I think it is illegal.

He is breathing very heavily. I think he was running really fast to here.

He bends down in front of mom and the doctor says she has to leave the room for a moment because she forgot something. I think she might be lying and that is a bad thing to do - lying is bad - but she is doing it so dad can talk to mom on his own without anyone listening. So, it is okay. It makes her good.

He tells her not to take the pills that will make me sick. He says she will regret it and she will hate herself and that he cannot let that happen because she is such a good person. Dad tells mom she is the best person he knows.

She is mad at him. She calls him lots of bad names and I cover my ears again. I worry that dad might get upset and leave but he says he is here to make sure she is alright. He says he will do whatever to make sure she is happy and that I am safe, even if she hates him.

_Mom does not hate dad._

She says that a lot, she hates him so much, but really, she is lying.

She does hate her own dad though. And her own mom too. They are mean to her. They are not very nice people. Mom thinks she does not want me to meet them. She does not want me to be criticised by them. They will only hurt my feelings like they hurt hers. And maybe that is okay.

Dad loves mom and she knows that. I think she is always shouting at dad and saying that she hates him because she actually loves him.

_Why else is she always angry at dad?_

Dad just wants mom happy. And he promises that he will make her the happiest queen on earth.

Mom says okay because she has not been happy in a really long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.


	2. Maybe It's Everything We're Dreaming Of

**Mom and Dad**

* * *

**Chapter 2** _  
**Maybe It's Everything We're Dreaming Of** _

* * *

We go home. Mom has stopped crying and is only a little bit less madder at Dad now. She's still angry because when Dad put his arm around her when we go to his car, she said no, stop. But I think that's better than Mom being super super mad at Dad like before.

Mom loves Dad. She just doesn't want to know it yet.

Dad takes us in his car, which smells a little funny because it's so so brand new. I don't like the smell and I'm now making Mom feel sick. _Sorry, Mom_. She takes a seat next to Dad and he rolls down the windows for fresh air.

Mom is telling him he's wasting money on nothing and is asking why he needs a new car when he just bought a new one a year ago. She sounds annoyed. I think she just wants to fight with him. _Mom, stop it!_ But Dad just looks at her and starts driving.

He doesn't like fighting.

But Mom is so used to fighting because she always fought with Derek. She thinks it's the only way to know that he still cares.

I don't understand that but Mom says so.

We go for a shower while Dad cooks. There isn't much in the cabinets because Mom doesn't like to cook - she's always busy and she doesn't have the time to do cooking. But he manages to find enough ingredients to make some sort of Italian pasta dish that he used to eat when he was a kid.

He tells Mom that his own mom used to like eating raw and uncooked pasta when she was pregnant with him. I think Dad is wanting Mom to laugh with him but she doesn't. Only smiles at Dad. She's not in the mood for laughing.

She can't believe she almost make me gone.

Mom doesn't want to eat the food Dad cooked, but she's very hungry so she does. She likes it very much. I like it too. It's kind of spicy and warm and it feels like a hug.

_Dad is a great cooker!_

And Mom thinks that too but she doesn't say it out loud.

Dad wants to hug mom. He doesn't though. But I think she needs a hug. She wants it but she won't ask. Her brain is so hard and thick.

When they've finished eating, he tells her he'll clean up, and she should go get some rest. _Okay_. She nods. She hates doing the dishes anyway. Besides she's really really tired, so she just tells him to let himself out because she'd already be sleeping by the time he's done.

I think Dad's going to stay though.

Mom lies down on her bed and puts both hands on her stomach. She strokes her skin, really soft and slow, and it makes me sleepy. I force myself to stay awake because I'm hearing Dad in the kitchen. He's moving stuff around in the cabinet because he's worried about Mom and he doesn't know what to say to her without her getting mad at him.

Mom's crying again.

_I'm sorry baby. Your dad and I just can't get along. . .or maybe it's all me. . .I don't. . .I just don't know what I want. . ._

She says she doesn't want me to grow up in a hostile environment like she did when she was a little girl because she thinks she's still in love with someone else. _Derek_. She doesn't want me to hate her or Dad. She wants what's best for me.

I love Mom and Dad but they don't know that yet.

When she finally falls asleep and Dad's finished clearing up, he comes into the bedroom to watch Mom sleep. He has this look in his eyes and I don't really know what it means - it's like sad but not really. Maybe he wants to join us in bed.

Instead, he tiptoes silently and tells mom he loves her. She doesn't hear, but I do.

_I love you, Dad._

* * *

As I start to grow bigger, so does my home. Mom has to go shopping to buy some new clothes and she gets all cross and hot and is a little rude to the sales assistant. She gets irritated really easily now. I think it's because of me. I forgive her though, because she's Mom.

Dad keeps bringing us food. It's really tasty.

Mom gets a phone call from someone I never heard before. He asks if she could help him with something. Maybe it's hospital stuff. I heard something about TTTS. And she says she'll think about it because she also has a lot of work here but then she gets all silent and hot and teary when he mentions Derek.

_Yea, Derek, the man she loves._

And he asks her what's going on with the both of them and if there's anything wrong. Mom says nothing, only that she'll be there.

Dad comes home with Mom today and she doesn't tell him that she's leaving to there soon because he will only stop her from going and she doesn't want him to. I don't know where we're going. I don't understand why we're even going. I'm kicking Mom because I don't think it's a good idea to leave Dad but she doesn't feel me yet.

She thinks she might stay with Derek if he takes her back.

Now, I am angry at mom.

* * *

Sometimes we go to Dad's apartment. The first time, it's a little weird because Mom starts remembering lots of stuff she did there.

Good memories and okay memories. Not bad, because they're good too. Just memories after Derek left.

Dad found some books that he thinks I might like when I'm older. They have bright colours and large words. I already like them. There's one with a patchwork elephant on the cover that Dad says was his favourite. It was his as a kid. It was in a box with the other stuff his mother left him before she died.

Mom says she can't accept them. She's not really telling the truth. She's sorry that she's leaving Dad. She can't even look at him and she feels too guilty to take his books because he's being so nice and kind lately. But Dad just really wants her to have them.

When Mom falls asleep on the couch, Dad rubs her feet because he notices they're sore. Once he's done, he picks up the book with the patchwork elephant on the cover and reads to me.

He's got a really nice voice.

Mom and Dad doesn't know if I'm a boy or girl yet. But Dad thinks he knows.

Mom doesn't know that I've heard the story of Elmer the Patchwork Elephant. Dad and I keep it as our little secret, and each time she falls asleep when he's around, he tells me another story. Sometimes it's one about Mom. Sometimes it's about Derek and Dad when they were kids. Sometimes it's about Mom and Dad and Derek. Sometimes, Dad tells me stories about himself.

He did many bad things in the past. He thinks the best thing he ever did was love Mom.

* * *

Dad takes Mom to a class one evening. They learn how to breathe when I decide to come and join them. Mom doesn't want to take the class, she says it's too early anyway. But Dad just wants to be super duper ready and prepared because he really doesn't know what to do, though Mom knows already.

_Fine._

He sits behind her and when she leans against him, she feels something that makes her take a deep breath.

I think she remembers again that she actually loves Dad. She doesn't listen to herself though.

Mom won't hold Dad's hand after that. He's confused and it hurts in his chest because he wants to hold her hand all the time, but he doesn't tell her that. Instead, he listens to the teacher in case Mom forgets anything.

Mom won't she's mom.

* * *

The air is different when I woke up. It's wetter and thicker and Mom doesn't like it too. It's making her feel icky and hair all frizzy and she says she looks like a witch and I think that's good for her because what she's doing is super wrong.

_Yea, we're in the there now. I don't know where but it's not New York._

I don't like it here. I want to be with Dad. I don't know if I'll ever be.

_What if I never see Dad again?_

Mom checks her phone. It's Dad calling her for the thousandth time. But she doesn't answer. She presses the red button.

I'm still angry at Mom. I think Dad is mad too. She didn't tell him where she is, so he can't follow her.

_What are you doing, Mom? Why are you hurting Dad?_

I think Mom is hurting Dad because he hurt her by sleeping with the other woman. But what she doesn't know is Dad wants to sleep beside Mom. She is just not letting him.

Mom calls the man who told her to come here and she tells him that she's here already. It's late, he says, and she should go to the hotel and rest and he'll see her in the morning. But Mom says no, that she'll go to the hospital right now.

_Where's Derek?_

She wants see him, she says.

Her heels are so heavy when she's walking. Other people are even watching her. I know we're in the hospital now because the air is stale and smells kind of weird now. She's walking so quickly and loudly, I don't think she even knows where she's going. She's just walking and walking. Then suddenly, she stops.

_Why are you stopping, Mom?_

Her heart is going _thump thump thump_ so fast now, so loud in my ear and she's blinking like she does when she doesn't want to cry. But she does. A tear and another and she quickly wipes them away. I see what she's seeing and it's a man kissing a woman.

_Why is mom so sad?_

She's sadder than when Dad hurt her.

Mom says she's so stupid to think that she could just come here and ask Derek to take her back.

He's moved on.

She doesn't say hi to Derek like she wanted to.

She goes to her hotel room and opens the little refrigerator where the stuff that will make me sick is. I think she's really going to drink it all this time and so does Mom.

Her hands are shaking as she tries to open the bottle. She thinks if I'm not with her, then Derek will love her again. Like before. She cries and cries because she knows it will never be the same again.

Derek doesn't love her anymore.

She loves me and Dad a lot already.

She doesn't drink.

* * *

Mom does the TTTS and the babies like me are fine now, I think.

Yea, that's what my mom does. She saves babies.

_Why she wants other babies like me to live and not me?_

I want to go to New York now but I don't think we're going to because Mom says she'll stay a few more days to make sure her patients are fine.

It's okay, I guess. But I really want to see Dad soon.

I really don't like the air here. It's weird and I'm trying to be good so, I won't make Mom sick, but I just can't help it.

_I know you have a very busy schedule, Dr. Montgomery, Seattle Grace is sincerely thanking you._

Mom is talking to someone now. I think it's the guy who told her to come here.

_Oh, it's my pleasure, Richard. Truly._

Mom is leaving his office but he stops her. "His office is in the fifth floor."

But Mom knows that already. She saw him. _Yea, she did and they were shouting_. Worser than when she shouts at Dad because she wasn't really shouting. It was all Derek and he was saying words I shouldn't hear, so I cover my ears.

I know she wanted to cry but she didn't. And I think Derek knows that too.

_Derek._

It's Mom. She knocks on the door. Derek says to go away but she doesn't and opens the door instead.

_Wasn't I clear? I don't ever want to see you. Do you want me to spell that out for you?_

Derek is so mean to Mom. I don't like him.

I don't know why Mom even loves him. He's not nice. Not like Dad.

_I'm pregnant, Derek._

Mom's heart is not going _thump thump_ _thump_ so loud anymore, it's quiet in here. So quiet and even Derek has stopped shouting.

_You want me to believe that that's mine?_

I'm not a _that_ and I'm not _his_.

_Because I'm not raising another man's child._

I'm Dad's.

_It's not yours, Derek._

Mom's voice is shaking. She's really soft when she said that.

 _Oh, that's really weird._ Derek is looking at me now and Mom touches her tummy and I think Derek is kind of sad.

Maybe he wants me to be his.

_Ha! I'm not!_

Derek laughs and Mom is confused.

_Are you sure it's even Mark's?_

That's Dad's name. Yes, Mom's sure. _Why is he even saying that?_

_If you couldn't even keep your legs clo-_

I jump and Derek is all silent now. I think Mom just slapped him.

_How can you say that to me? I'm your wife, Derek._

Mom's rubbing me gently and she's trying to breathe because she's crying so much. Derek hurt her. And I'm kicking Mom to let her know that I hate him.

_Can you feel me, Mom?_

Derek looks at me.

_Not anymore. I'll send you the papers._

* * *

We're back now and I can't wait to see Dad. I want Mom to call him, so that I can at least hear his voice because it's been so long since Dad talked to me. But she doesn't. We just go home.

I don't see Dad until Mom goes back to work.

They're fighting again.

_Mark, listen to me, please-_

Mom steps forward and puts her hand on his shoulder. _Mom says she's sorry, Dad._

_No._

Dad shrugs her away and steps back.

_No, Addison. I, I can't believe you. Is this-is this your sick way of getting back at me? Is this what it is? Revenge?_

Dad's really angry at Mom and I'm quiet. Mom's quiet too because she knows she was very wrong. I don't move. I think it's best if I stay still.

_You can't just take off with my kid and not tell me! It's fucked up, Addison. Even for you._

_I'm sorry._

Mom's sweating and shaking, and her tongue is so dry that it's sticking to the roof of her mouth. She's never seen Dad so mad before. Especially to her.

_Do you even know how devastated I was? I thought I'd never get to see my daughter. I thought you were never coming back. I asked everyone, no one knew where you went. How could you! I love her so much and you left without even telling me. . .Addison, she's mine too._

_I'm sorry._

Mom manages to glance up at Dad, he looks sadly at her, but mostly angry. She knows he's disappointed.

She knows she've made a big mistake.

Not again, she thinks.

_You can't just show up now and pretend everything's fine and dandy. You can't, Addison. She's my baby and I'll fight for her. I'll fight and I'll take you to court if I have to._

_No. You can't. You wouldn't, Mark._

Her heart is beating so hard, she thinks it might explode out of her chest.

_You're right. I wouldn't. And that's because I'm not like you. I can't do that to you because I love you and our baby. But if you're not willing to at least try and work us out like I am, then I'm at a loss here._

I don't like where this is going. Mom should just tell Dad that she loves him.

_We don't have to have a relationship. I'll just be her father and that's it. We'll share custody, we can be civil, for her at least, and you're free to do whatever you want, Addison, just don't keep my child away from me. That's all I'm asking._

He's going to leave her, Mom suddenly realises, and it terrifies her. She's panicking. Even I am.

She really _really_ hates being alone.

Mom thinks she knows a way to make Dad not leave her. So, she takes a few hesitant steps towards him.

_I'm sorry, Mark._

She chokes, tears clouding her vision.

_Mark, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please._

She goes to him, taking his face in her hands. Dad looks like he wants to pull away, but he doesn't.

_Please._

She whispers.

_Please, Mark._

Dad will not look her in the eye and Mom remembers Derek won't too.

She presses her lips to his, kissing him frantically, desperately. And he lets her kiss him, tangling his hands in her hair and for a moment, she thinks they're going to be fine for now. But then, he pushes her away.

There's a sound that comes from somewhere, like a cry. Mom thinks it's her. Dad too. She doesn't know for sure. Her sense seem to have abandoned her.

I don't think she's thinking properly today. Something is very wrong with Mom.

Dad's talking to her, she thinks, but she can't hear the words coming out of his mouth. All she can hear is the voice in her head, telling her that she've pushed him too far this time. Because for the past few months, Dad have been so good to her while she haven't.

He's trying his best and she was being so mean.

She's needs Dad. She doesn't want to love me alone. So, she does the only thing she can think of.

I don't know what Mom's about to do. I don't like Mom when she's like this, when she's not thinking clearly. I don't understand what's going on. So, I close my eyes.

She pushes him back against the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks, but she forces herself to kneel in front of him, to unbuckle his belt, to work his zipper down.

_Hey! Hey! Whoa! Addison!_

His hands are grabbing her but she doesn't stop.

_I'm sorry. You have to forgive me. Please. I don't know what I was thinking, okay._

She begs, shaky hands working him out of his boxers.

_Let me, Mark. It's okay. I want this. Please._

_Stop, Addie! Addison! What's wrong with you?_

He shouts and for a second, they're practically fighting each other - she's trying to push away his hands so he can't stop her and he's trying to pull her to him, back to her feet.

_Addie! No! Addison! No! No! Stop!_

She can barely see him through the tears.

_I need to do this! Please, Mark. Don't you want me anymore?_

He stops pushing her away. She tries not to cry.


	3. It's a Cold and It's a Broken Hallelujah

**Mom and Dad**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**_It's a Cold and It's a Broken Hallelujah_ **

* * *

Mom thinks what she is doing is another mistake. She knows that and so does Dad.

She's making a lot of mistakes these days, which is weird because I thought Mom knows everything and Mom always knows what's best. But, I guess, I was wrong.

I feel so sad now. And when I open my eyes, it's so quiet and dark in Dad's office. Only Mom's breathing I can hear.

It's so typical of them, he thinks, taking one step forward, then, five steps back, dancing a dance so ruinous like they're still in their twenties. They're not. They're in their fucking thirties ( _late thirties, if he's in the mood to admit._ ) with a baby on the way.

They're not suppose to be playing hooky from their responsibilities.

They're not suppose to be doing _this_.

She sits down heavily on the ground as soon as she finishes, pulling away just before he comes. She's gasping for breath. _What have she done?_ She doesn't know what to do or where to go now. Her pager hasn't rang. _Why isn't her pager ringing when she really needs it to be ringing?_

I try to tell Mom to say sorry to Dad because sorry always fixes everything. But she doesn't hear me.

She wants to though. She's only saying sorry inside.

I think maybe she lost her voice.

She tries to look up at Dad.

Dad's crying too. And leaning against the wall, staring down at Mom and me. _Scared_. He's so afraid of Mom, I think. He looks like he's seen a ghost because he's so pale and he wipes his tears with the back of his hands.

Dad never cries. Mom really _really_ scared him.

_Please don't scare Dad again, Mom._

I'm crying now too.

Mom thinks she might have just made things worse.

Dad thinks he shouldn't have let her done that.

I don't know what happened because I had my eyes closed very tightly. But I want to know.

She isn't sure what to say now. Maybe she should apologise, or try to kiss him again. _Maybe they should have sex now? Should she take off her clothes?_ Because it's better than crying.

Anything is better than crying.

Dad zips up his pants, his eyes never leaving Mom's face. It's like he's frozen. And Mom is frozen also. They just stare at each other, crying and in shock.

Mom tries to make Dad not be afraid of her anymore. She tries to explain.

_Mark. . .I didn't, I can't. . .you. . .just. . ._

She is whispering so softly but Dad hears her. He doesn't say anything because he doesn't know what to say to her. He's in too much shock to speak.

Mom's not making any sense, I think.

_I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have, Mark. I shouldn't have done that. . .I, sorry. . ._

Mom stands up and Dad jumps a little when she touches his shoulder.

_I'm so sorry. . ._

She erupts in so many many tears and buries her face in her hands, choking on her sobs.

_Mark, I'm sorry, okay? I really, I. . .I don't want us to have to fight for custody over our daughter. I don't want either of us having her every other weekday or only at the weekends or having to compromise in the holidays. I don't want any of that._

Mom turns away from Dad. I can't see his face now. _Mom, I wanna see Dad!_ I don't hear him. I think maybe he's still crying too. Only quietly. Not like Mom.

_I don't want her to have two homes, two rooms, two birthdays_ _and two everything. I don't want her to grow up like we did. I want her to live a normal life, with a mom and a dad. Together, as a family. And I want you to be in her life, always, no courts or papers involved, no restrictions. She doesn't deserve any of that. And I know it's my fault, I wasn't even trying when you've been nothing but perfect and wonderful and I shouldn't have left. . .I wasn't thinking. I didn't know what I want, Mark. I was. . .I don't know. I'm so sorry. . .I want us to be a family, okay? Please. You have to understand how sorry I am. You're her dad, so please don't leave._

Dad doesn't know where Mom got that conclusion because he never said he was leaving us. But he thinks he knows. Dad always know everything about Mom. Even things she don't about herself, Dad knows. He knows her so well. And he thinks it's because of her childhood, she has abandonment issues.

_Okay._

Dad goes nearer to Mom. I can hear his voice. It's louder. His hand settles on her shoulder. Mom thinks she's a little scared of Dad when he touched her but no, it only made her feel much _much_ better.

_Okay, Addie. Shhh, Shhh. . .I won't. I won't leave, okay?_

Very very slowly Dad pulls Mom into his arms. She melts and cries.

They both are crying. And so am I.

_Promise me you won't do that ever again._

* * *

Dad tells Mom to go home and that he'll see her there in the morning when his shift ends. Mom just shakes her head and looks sadly at him. She's tired of being alone in that house, she says. _It's haunted._ Maybe she saw a ghost there.

_Mom! Boo the ghost away! I don't wanna see a ghost!_

But I don't really know because all Mom is thinking right now is of Derek and Dad and what they did there. She doesn't tell Dad that though.

Mom's not alone - never ever - because I'm there too. I'm always so close to Mom but she just don't see me or realise that. I don't know why.

Mom asks if she can stay with Dad in his office for tonight. She's too tired to go to hers. It's a long walk and her feet are aching. Dad just looks at her and smiles, he thinks she looks nice in high heels, but mostly, he thinks she's crazy to still wear them because she might slip and hurt herself and even me and Dad is always worrying about that. But he doesn't tell her, he doesn't want to make her mad right now.

They're okay.

_Of course, Addie._

He takes her hand and walks her to the couch. Mom pulls her own lab coat more tightly around her when she sits down. She feels cold, but she doesn't tell Dad. She hugs me tight and I reach out my hands to hold her and tell her everything is fine now.

_Here. You're cold._

Dad says quietly.

_See, I told you. Dad knows Mom so much. He knows she's cold and she didn't even tell him that she is._

Mom looks up at him and sees nothing but love and concern. After everything she's put him through why is he still so nice to her, she thinks.

_Thank you._

Dad is turning away but Mom stops him.

_Wait, Mark! Can you, umm, can you. . ._

Dad understands and doesn't need Mom to finish her sentence because he knows what she means.

He sits beside her cautiously and very slowly wraps his arm around her shoulders.

Mom thinks he's still afraid of her.

_I'm really sorry. . ._

She trails off because her voice cracked. Dad kisses her temple and says it's okay - he's sorry too.

She snuggles into his side and Dad holds us tighter.

* * *

Dad builds my crib. He says it's much more difficult than his surgeries. Mom just laughs. I like it when she laughs. It's not often that I hear her happy. But these days, she is. Not every day though.

Mom is keeping her promise - she is trying and Dad can see that she really _really_ is. And he appreciates that. But Dad still looks sad. Sadder than Mom and I think maybe she notices too.

He takes her shopping one day so she can pick out everything she needs for when I come out to meet her and everything turns out to be really expensive.

Dad sees a hot pink dresser that's also a changing table and asks Mom if she likes that. It's nice and pink, he says. Mom doesn't want to say no way Jose to Dad, but he already knows when he saw the horrified look on her face.

She chooses all matte white furniture that she likes and Dad agrees because he says Mom always has great taste. But by the time they're in the stroller section of the store, Mom is so tired that she's stopped listening to the sales assistants.

Dad lets her lean against him so that her legs and her back don't have to do all the work. He listens to the sales assistants tell him how to convert the strollers to car seats; how to attach the footmuffs so I'll be warm when it's cold.

Mom asks Dad if they could come back tomorrow because she just wants to go home and lie down.

I'm coming soon and I'm making Mom so tired so quickly. I don't know if that's good or bad.

He tells her of course, then takes us home and quickly goes to the kitchen to make dinner so that Mom can go sleep early.

We go for a shower while Dad cooks.

Mom closes the door and then closes her eyes. She talks to me while we're in there. She tells me that she thinks she should tell Dad that she loves him. It will make him feel better and not give her _that_ look all the time.

The sad look and sometimes, he can't even look at her. And she knows it's because of what she did in his office.

They've gone through so much, she says.

I want to tell Mom that she should go and tell Dad because she will make him so _so_ happy. So, I tell her. I tell her with my legs and she puts her hand over her stomach with a smile, even though she's crying.

When she steps into the kitchen, she tells Dad she felt me in the shower for the first time. He stops cooking and steps towards us, really carefully, then Mom asks him if he'd like to feel. He struggles to say any words at all, which is a little bit funny because Dad always has lots to say.

Mom takes his hand and places it on her stomach, so I knock gently with my hand. I don't think either of them feel me. I decide to do what I did earlier and kick with my legs, but careful not to hurt Mom.

Dad's eyes fills with tears. He tells Mom it's the best thing he's ever felt and then he tells her thank you.

_Thank you so much, Addie._

After the dinner, Mom falls asleep on the couch and Dad worries she'll get a sore neck, so he carries her to his bed. He's so careful with her and once he's covered her with his blanket, he presses a kiss against her forehead. Mom doesn't wake up. Dad just watches us sleep.

Dad feels so guilty that he doesn't sleep anymore. Whenever he looks at Mom, he sees her all vulnerable and scared and in tears. Which is very not like Mom, he thinks, because she's strong and independent and willful and stubborn ( _she_ _still is_.).

Maybe Derek broke her. Or maybe he broke her too.

When he closes his eyes, trying to sleep, he's always seeing Mom like the night in his office - shaking and crying and begging him.

I think Dad's crying now.

She was on the floor, on her knees. He thinks he could've stopped her.

He can't believe that happened.

He's angry.

Only a little at Mom. Most at himself because he should've tried harder to make Mom stop.

Dad's hands are shaking as he brings the coffee mug to his mouth and takes a big gulp.

The coffee burns his throat going down and he can't help but think that he deserves it.

He just didn't know how to stop Mom. Not when she asked if he still wanted her, not when she pleaded with him not to leave.

_I should've stopped you._

* * *

Mom and Dad finally sleep next to each other. I'm so _so_ happy now. Dad hugs me and so does Mom. _Together_. We're finally all together. Just the three of us.

At first, Dad was weary but Mom wants him to.

_Stop feeling guilty, Mark. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong._

She knows him so well, also. She knows he feels so bad that he haven't slept in so long. She was so wrong to put him in that spot, she thinks.

_But I shouldn't have let you, Addie. I could've stopped it from happening._

Dad knows she didn't want to do it, even though she said she does. Mom says a lot of things and actually means the opposite.

This time, Dad is the one who's crying loudly and Mom is not. She pulls him into her arms so tight because it's what he needs and she can feel his hot tears on her skin.

I'm in the middle and I hug Dad too.

_Don't worry, Dad, it's all okay now._

She is whispering all the nice things to Dad and threading his hair with her fingers until he falls asleep.

This is what they needed all along.

_A talk and also, a good cry._

She really thinks they're going to be fine now.

* * *

And they are because Mom is in Dad's apartment and we're all sleeping together again. Dad spent all night watching Mom, dusting kisses against her skin so lightly that he thinks she didn't feel it but she did. She just pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't have to stop.

He told me about the kind of person Mom is. There are lots of stories Dad can tell me about how brave she is, and how strong. He says she's like superwoman, and I'm so lucky because I'm gonna have the best Mom in the world.

I'm stretching her as I grow. There isn't much room left anymore for me to move about, but when I let Mom know I'm here, she always _always_ feels me.

She laughs and smiles when I do now.

Sometimes if she's sleeping, Dad feels me first and tells me to calm my feet because Mom needs to get some rest. _She's had a lot of patients in the hospital today._ But I can't help it sometimes, I'm just so excited.

I listen though, and he tells me I'm doing good; that I just need to keep growing healthy and strong so when I come out into the world, they can bring me straight home.

I get confused sometimes, about home. Mom spends so much time at Dad's apartment that I occasionally forget where my crib is set up.

He asks her what she's going to call me. Dad has some ideas but he doesn't know if Mom will like them. She says she doesn't know yet - that she'll wait until she sees my face to decide. Dad thinks that's a good idea too, but he has a few choices that he really _really_ likes.

Mom tells Dad that she's scared to bring me into the world, she doesn't want to be like Bizzy, Dad reassures her that she won't. She'll be amazing, he says. And I try too. I tell her it's okay - that I'll be okay.

* * *

Mom's body tells me it's time to leave one afternoon when she's in the middle of surgery.

At first, she isn't too sure if she actually feels me squeezing, but she does when I squeeze harder again.

_Dr. Sh-I mean Dr. Montgomery?_

Someone is calling Mom to listen because she stops so suddenly.

_Baby, what's wrong?_

That's Dad. He's talking to her through the speaker.

She just looks up at him and he can see it in her eyes.

_She's coming._

Everyone around Mom is happy and cheering and clapping hands now.

_Why? Is it because of me? Do they know I'm here? How?_

Her Chief is telling her that another doctor will take over the surgery but she says she's almost done - she can make it.

I squeeze again.

No, she can't.

Mom is stubborn.

_Addison, you are not having your baby in this OR. Mark's coming down there._

Dad is holding Mom and they're walking now. There is a nurse beside Mom. She doesn't want a wheelchair, she says. I think he ran from there to here because Dad's out of breath and panicked. He's panicking about Mom. He's worried I'm going to hurt her, so I try to be as careful as I can.

We go upstairs and Dad does some shouting until Mom tells him it's okay and he needs to relax. He apologises and says he's just worried, but that he knows how great she's going to be.

Mom lets Dad hold her hand as I come into the world, there is even more shouting and crying because I'm squeezing Mom so hardly and painfully.

She shouts she can't and that she has to when the doctors said to not push. And Mom now really _really_ understands why all her patients always say that to her too.

_I'm sorry, Mom. I just wanna see you and Dad quickly._

And then when I finally get to meet Mom properly, she can't see me because she's crying so much.

_We did it, Mark. . .She's ours, all ours. . ._

I cry too because I don't want her to be upset, but I lay on her chest and Dad tells me I'm perfect and so _so_ beautiful.

He keeps saying it over and over and over while the nurses place me in cold _cold_ scales that I really don't like and record numbers so they can tell Mom how big she's grown me.

Finally, I get a little pink hat and some warm blankets so that Mom can hold me better. I see Mom and Dad looking at me so eager and I wave.

_Hi, Mom and Dad!_

I think they saw me waving because they're laughing so happily, so full of love.

Mom takes me from the nurses, and says I look like Dad. He disagrees. Dad thinks I look like her, but he doesn't say any of this because it makes him feel good that Mom said that. He just kisses Mom on her forehead, then kisses me on mine.

He goes to kiss her again, but she tilts her chin upwards to kiss him on the lips. He asks her what it's for, and she tells him for being so perfect and not giving up on her while she was growing me and for not letting her make me so sick I had to leave.

Dad's chest is bursting. He's proud of Mom. I'm proud of Mom too.

_I love you, Mark._

* * *

Mom and I get lots of visitors. They all bring gifts for us - so many gifts that the room is filled with balloons and flowers and presents and bags.

It's noisy when they come. I like meeting everyone, even if it makes me tired, but I like it best when it's just Mom and Dad and me.

It's late when Mom finally falls asleep. Dad stays in the chair beside her bed - in between us both - so he can make sure we're safe. She only sleeps now when he's in the room.

He lifts me out of my cot and sings to me. It's nice. Dad sings so well. Soft and sweet, kind of like when Mom talks to me in French and Italian and Latin ( _Mom can speak lots of languages._ ) because it sounds so beautiful and I feel lucky that I'm going to know all of these languages; there are so many out there in the world after all.

After he's done singing, my eyes are closed and I'm almost asleep, but I'm listening to his promise; he's not going to let anyone hurt me and Mom too.

He tells me please no boys until I'm forty because boys are trouble and I'll only ever need Dad. No boys will protect me like he will. And also, after all, I'm half Mom and half Dad and that's the best combination there is.

He loves Mom so _so_ much, he tells me, that the distance from the earth to the moon and the sun and all the many other planets doesn't even cover how much he loves her.

Mom knows it - she feels it in her bones.

She wakes up, but doesn't open her eyes. She just listens to Dad's voice and knows she's safe.

I'm glad Derek didn't take Mom back, because I won't be here today to see Mom and Dad so happy.

I think Derek sent Mom the papers already before. She signed them and Dad was there too. Dad thought Mom was sad but she really wasn't. She was relieved.

She was saying to me in the inside that she wasted eleven years of her life. And the mistake with Dad was the best mistake she's ever made.

_It's not a mistake anymore._

She told Derek that too when they met with lawyers one day.

_Have a great life with your love child, Addison. Really, I'm so happy for the two of you._

Derek doesn't really sound happy though. I don't understand why he said that. Mom thinks he's jealous and angry and that makes her happy because she will, she will have a great life with Dad and me.

I fall asleep against Dad's chest, his heart beating in time with Mom's. This must mean something, I think. Like they're in sync - working together to form a little bubble; just Mom and Dad and me.

It'll be better than it was at the start, I decide, because Mom knows Dad loves her so very _very_ much. He never fails to tell her that he does every day.

Mom loves Dad and Mom loves me and I love my Mom and my Dad so _so_ much, just like how much Dad loves Mom and me.

_Yeah_ , I decide, we all love each other and we'll always fight for one another because we're Sloans and Sloan means warriors and we don't quit. And my name is Ella Rose Montgomery Sloan.

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